- Go for a walk
- Look in the mirror and tell yourself 'it is all fine'
- Have a play fight with your partner
I read them and thought how I wouldn't even dare to share that with you. If that is what we are dishing out as advice as specialist stress practitioners, then I really need to have a career rethink!
If I am to share anything meaningful with you, then we need to move away from superficial tactics and basic advice. At the heart of this is something that is seated deep in our belief system and going for a walk is not likely to help change our 'inner game'.
When we start getting to the root of any problem, revealing what is hidden deep inside and has often been with us since childhood, it isn't easy to know where to start looking for mindset shifts, as this is our normal and identifying what doesn't work with our current thought pattern might not be so easy.
If you are still with me, I would like to share 3 ways to start looking at your stress and getting a handle on how you might reduce it...
1. Stand back and take a look at the thing that is stressing you from outside your emotions
In coaching we call this the meta position and in very simple terms it means standing back and taking a snapshot of where you are at and starting to look at the various elements and why they are bothering you.
A very simple way to do this is to imagine that you have taken a photo of the situation and then start to describe it to yourself without the emotion of what you feel inside. Then ask yourself as the photographer what advice you would give to the real you to help you cope better.
When you learn this technique it becomes your secret weapon for stopping letting others pull your strings...
2. Mind your language!
As a specialist in Neuro Linguistic Programming, the single big mental restraint is found in the things we say... those throw away comments, like " you know me, I'm no good at standing up for myself". Guess what? You've said it... it's out there and you are you own biggest influencer. Now it is YOUR truth and you will believe it and your subconscious is going to work extra hard to prove that you are right.
But we can dramatically change the way we feel just by changing the words we use when we talk to ourselves.
This isn’t an a quick fix, as you need to start hearing what you say and being away of how you might be allowing yourself to give away power and indirectly cause yourself further stress.
If we do change your language to one of self love, we gradually eliminate the beliefs that caused the stress in the first place.
Step #1: Think about the last time you felt really stressed about something. Maybe you were under pressure to speak in front of an audience or submit a proposal to a potential client.
Ask yourself what you said to yourself during this time...
Maybe it was something like:
“I can’t handle this right now... I will never get it done in time!"
“I am so stressed that my mind doesn't know what to do first.”
Step #2: For the next few days, start to notice when you use language that put's a limit on you achieving your outcome or goal. Then choose the words that reframe the situation into something that is empowering y reframing your choice of words to something like...
“I’m human. Everyone struggles with deadlines, but I know that I will do this in time.”
Instead of “I don't know what to do first, you could say, I am going to write my list of things to do and pick THE most important element and so that first and then pick something that I can do quickly as my second task and then I will treat myself with my favourite herbal tea"
Hopefully you get the picture?
3. Recognise what state you are in
We can all get in a funk every now and then, but being able to become aware that we are dwelling on something and getting to the point of obsessing over it can be enough to help you choose whether this stressor merits the time you are allocating to it in your head.
Ruminating while we are in a low mood impairs problem solving. I see it all the time in my coaching clinic, that people give a inordinate amount of time to things that are worrying them... they have imaginary conversations in their head with the person who has wronged them, they let anger and frustration being the overriding emotion and yet when I ask - " so what are you going to do about it"... the most common answer is "I don't know".
The best thing that you can do if you genuinely don't know, you need to distract yourself with something that triggers the left side of your brain and invokes the feeling of creativity.
Then you need to set aside a small window in your diary and decide that the time slot will be used to decided how you want to mentally, emotionally and practically work through to a solution.
If you've enjoyed reading this, please like, comment below and share the love with your besties.
My parting question is... if you could alleviate just ONE stressor today, what would it be and how would that change your business or life?
Yvonne Williams is the UK's Leading Mindset Coach and has worked with FTSE 250 CEO's, celebrities, household brands, internet marketing experts and millionaires, all of whom wanted to either 'Step Up' or 'Step Out' of corporate. She has appeared on ITV and in the National Newspapers and is heralded as the go to person for all things Mindset and Mindset Coaching.
Yvonne lives in her Grade II listed Georgian Hall in Lancashire along with her husband Denis and cats; Ruby and Ziggi.