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I was on a group call recently and one of my coaching clients asked a question and it went like this…
“Yvonne, it may be a stupid question, but I want to know how you have changed during your time as an entrepreneur?”
Firstly – not a stupid question, especially as others chipped in to say that they loved the question, but my response was something that surprised a few of them and I was even a little tripped up when my subconscious threw this one out...
“I have chosen to have less friends”.
………….. er conversation stopper! (picture tumble weed, deserts and absolute silence)
After what seemed like about 20 seconds or more, the same client asked, “but why, when you are so friendly and connected with all of us?”
The truth is simple – even me, the mindset coach, can feel overwhelmed with all I have to fit in my life.
In order to keep true to my core values, be clear on why I am doing something, make life simpler and be energised to show up being my best self, I need to protect my time and energy.
I see it like this, I have some super precious people in my life… friends whom I have known since I was a child and others who I have lovingly collected throughout my life.
I want those relationships to feel honoured, special and lasting.
The conversation unfolded for others in the group talking about how they totally understood this concept and that some of their friendships were suffering because they had dished out bits of themselves all over the place.
Even more worrying, there was a consensus of stress and 'zilch' left for self. So all this ‘giving’ resulted in the piggy bank of ‘time for self’ not even having a rattle of a solitary coin!
The feeling in the group was, that when I first mentioned that I had less friends, that I was a bit weird - Gee ~ thanks guys! ~ After all, I am in the people and communications business! When I started to share that I now give more energy than when I had a job to my very special clients and that the quality of my personal relationships is ever more important to me, they TOTALLY got it.
My statement was an honest take on what I knew I needed to do to be clear on whilst helping as many people as possible, all with the same finite amount of time that we have.
We have to make tough choices amount the investment of our time and energy into the realm of 24 hours in any given day… I have decided that I want to spend my time with clients showing up as the most engaged version of me and that means punctuating with quality down time and calmness woven into the heart of this time.
Often this means I just want to be alone or with one or two of my special peeps.
So when the group reflected back, they also realised that they faced the same tough choices… some were happy to face up to the challenge and decide where their priorities were, but a sizeable proportion remained quiet.
The thing I knew instinctively was that they loved to believe everything is effortless in the journey to success, but I knew that a penny had dropped that may change that belief system.
It’s a bit like my friend. She built a business over 20 years and sold it for a very sizeable sum. When she went on beautiful holidays or bought designer clothes, she would share with me that some people asked how she’d grown her business.
She used to give them the whole story of the long days, being away from home, delaying starting a family and when people started to glaze over and say things like “wow, so you were really lucky”, or “I couldn’t do that” she knew that they wanted to believe it was easy.
The thing was there was no luck yet that was what people were most comfortable hearing.
When I figured out what I needed to do to think like an entrepreneur, I created a formula that is 50% of my time is on the operational and process side of my business and the other 50% is about the mindset.
I decided not to only half show up so I chose to work hard on being SUPER clear on what I was aiming for and what timescale I am going to be there. This is a a stationary lovers dream as I get to detail all of my thoughts and intentions in beautiful notepads, I go and ask lots of people questions about my topic and see what it is they are looking for...
I tell people this and they often ignore the mindset and mental planning bit and keep searching for the next quick win, secret method or shortcut… or worse still they sit in facebook hoping to find their next business relationship.... erm... NOT GOOD!
They work harder and each year that I see them, they are happy to tell me about their 70 hour weeks and sheer determination, but don’t have the fruits to match the efforts.
I might no longer be out partying and may be spending the occasional day at home in my pyjamas, but the relationships that I have are ever more important… I value them and if that makes me weird, then I am happy to have the title…
Over to you...
How weird are you prepared to be in pursuit of your dreams?
Please comment below and if you if you have friends who might benefit from this, make sure that you share the lurve!
Yvonne Williams is the UK's Leading Mindset Coach and has worked with FTSE 250 CEO's, celebrities, household brands, internet marketing experts and millionaires, all of whom wanted to either 'Step Up' or 'Step Out' of corporate. She has appeared on ITV and in the National Newspapers and is heralded as the go to person for all things Mindset and Mindset Coaching.
Yvonne lives in her Grade II listed Georgian Hall in Lancashire along with her husband Denis and cats; Ruby and Ziggi.